What is my new start beginning to look like…

I am starting a new job on Monday. It will not be easy. I expect nothing to be easy. The job is work from home.

On the side, I am beginning to explore copywriting. How this new beginning in copywriting will look like I am not sure of yet.

I may follow some recommendations by Tina Lorenz. I have also been watching videos by Alex Cattoni as well to build upon what selling myself might look like. I am hoping that my start will bring me the challenge I am needing.

Since this is going to involve a lot of writing please feel free to criticize and comment.

My old boss mentioned that I must be experiencing stress from moving and leaving for a new job. Yes, I unnecessarily stressed myself when I moved, but I was also stressed by the sameness of my old job. From outside appearances it seemed low stress but there were many hidden stressors because I felt uncreative, and ineffectual. I am and still am underpaid. My pay did not reflect that I was a senior staff. It did not reflect my productivity. I felt treated indifferently and sometimes very disrespectfully for questioning a practice, or for calling out something, even when logic would call on the average person to mention something. Despite being a good worker I wasn’t treated like one in so many ways. I felt like a robot with a lot of skill and creativity that just fell on the wayside, that my employer didn’t have the need for.

Where I lived was so unaffordable that my pay kept me living on the brink of homelessness. I was exhausted, and unsure of what next steps to take because even a significant pay raise wouldn’t necessarily ensure better living conditions.

In the end everything I did was to keep me somewhat housed, and disengaged from myself, to avoid big bad scary emotions such as fear. I was lost on how to engage in a way at work that actually brought about happiness. I so desperately needed this to change.

In 2018 I had an emotional shake-up. Something from my past came up and it sent me on a vision quest. I had a strange dream about someone from my past. It was as if the dream was asking me to wake up and become aware of my relationship, and work-life balance. I was living in an anesthetized trap of an unloving and controlling relationship and a fearful mindset. I was afraid of myself, going mad, and losing everything.

I have started challenging myself. Ending certain relationships by asking myself what am I really gaining from this? What am I really gaining from employment that doesn’t make me feel I can even have my basic needs met?

It’s funny that during a Pandemic where fears are running wild, that I am sort of getting it that things are not so scary, and that now is the best time to make much needed change. In the end, a house is just a possession, and these things we own kind of mean nothing. So I am wiping the slate clean and am deciding on happiness, even if it looks like a chaotic mess to someone else.

Life shift

My life is heading in a new direction and I am excited for that.

Like a lot of people I am working from home to be safe during the pandemic. It’s not ideal work but it will do for now.

I have been looking at other alternatives to working from home. One thing I have been looking into is copywriting. I took a specific advertising design course and did well with the copywriting, but once I began applying myself I felt a bit lost and unrefined in my skill.

I went back to working in a recreation centre after that because I simply thought it would make me happy. I was wrong.

I started reinvestigating the copywriting idea again but I am not looking at it as a get rich quick scheme but one where I get to establish myself as a capable and secure person. I began watching Tina Lorenz videos and am letting them sink in a bit. How I decide to apply myself may not look a lot like how Tina does it but it will be under my own guides and principles.

I used to think being a workaholic would get me ahead but what it left me with was feeling unsure, and really unskilled at communicating in the business world. I noticed I am introverted and not a sales person but a diligent worker who tries.

I get anxious easily so I find that holds me back, and I am trying to find the trick of undoing that anxiety, and allowing myself to experience the world as a fallible person and being ok with that.

World Suicide Prevention Day — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

Suicide prevention is an essential topic for me because I am a survivor of suicide. My last attempt in 2010 changed my life, and it almost ended. I count myself lucky, and I mourn those that have not been so lucky. I want to share on this day a chapter from my memoir about suicide. […]

World Suicide Prevention Day — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

THE IMPACT OF STIGMA ON PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Stigma is when someone sees a person or group in a negative way because of a particular characteristic or attribute. Stigma leads to discrimination. When someone treats you in a negative way because of your mental illness, this is discrimination. Approximately 75% of people with a mental illness report that they have experienced stigma. TYPES […]

THE IMPACT OF STIGMA ON PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS

Hobbies aka crafty stuff I have trouble finishing

I started knitting.  I tried making a sweater but just got lost at the more complicated parts.

I made scarves.  A shawl.  I loom knitted a hat. Some of the more challenging projects I got lost on.

So I am knitting a blanket out of a mile. I think I’ve knitted 500 yards…

I am going to knit a row tonight. Each row is about 250 stitches.

Siloed in Suburbia: Reflecting on isolation and our relationship to land

My family moved to Calgary in 2016 and settled in Sherwood, a small suburb in the northwest corner of the city. At the time, our neighbourhood didn’t feel like a neighbourhood at all: we were one of two families on the entire street, and the other houses were either wooden skeletons or empty shells standing solemnly with “For Sale” signs out front.

Siloed in Suburbia: Reflecting on isolation and our relationship to land

And so it begins…

I am starting over in a fairly new place. I hardly know anyone here but I am beginning to know people and learn the lay of the land. I was honestly scared when I first moved- actually terrified – but I am starting to settle in. My family is sort of nearby. I broke up with a boyfriend and flew the coop from Toronto. I have no regrets at this time.

Like many I am working remotely, and waiting for the next wave of Covid to hit, and just trying to weather the storm. I am exploring career/ side gig options while holding on to the job I have.

It’s been a rough year with personal battles. I am not actually sad though. The world is (figuratively) on fire but to be honest I am liking the way things are going for now. I know it sounds weird, but sometimes you really have to shake things up to understand that you are much stronger than you realize.

I’ll be sharing the things I find on this trip.