Adventures on The Spiritual Guru

Since this Covid 19 thing I haven’t been getting out as much as I’d like. So I have been trying

It’s not as great as I’d hoped would be. While being adventurous I decided to talk to a life “guru” of sorts.

I’m not gonna lie I think some “spiritualists” are kind of just full of shit. So I thought it would at least be interesting, if not amusing.

The whole meeting went like this.

Guru: “I’ve been able self heal from serious illness.”

Me: “That’s very interesting. What did you heal yourself from?”

Guru: “I had COVID 19.”

Me: “oh my God. Were you in the hospital?”

Guru: “No but one day I went shopping and got very sick in the parking lot.”

Me: “Wait a minute you went shopping while you had Covid 19? Did you get tested?”

Guru: “No I didn’t get tested but I was very sick. I willed myself to walk even though others tried to help.”

Me: “You suspected you had Covid 19, so you went shopping but then decided because of your healing power nothing matters, and you’ll heal because of… your powers.”

Guru: “yes I just healed myself.”

I wish I could buy into my bullshit that well.

A funny thing happened at work…

I was being taught about all the special offers company X has available at my new job yesterday.

Since I am doing everything from home we are being trained via Google chat.  To help me not miss anything I turned on the closed captions to catch the conversation.

Google chat did not disappoint.  Instead of properly spelling company X’s name it just kept referring to the offers in the captions as “conjugal offers.”

In case you were wondering what conjugal actually means it’s when you visit your spouse/partner in jail and you request intimacy during the visit in a private cell.

I couldn’t stop laughing at the closed captions every time the offer was mentioned.

Strange Wanderings: what I saw today

I was feeling pretty cooped up after sitting at my job, so I went for a run.

On the way I ran by a woman in the park who was wearing black lingerie, and had looked like she lost her pants. She didn’t seem to mind and was busy trying on a pair of knee high knitted white socks.

A man who was either aroused or confused, or both, stopped to watch or help, or whatever…

Another 200m later I ran into a furry who was changing into his fox fursona in a parking lot. I hadn’t even run a km yet.

I made it another 4km decided to stop. I luckily ran into a good friend whose number I had lost so we hung out for the night.

It was actually a pretty interesting day. My friend had also witnessed the same woman wandering around in black lingerie as high as a kite.

finding my writing voice…

I tried writing a post the other day but then realized that people might be watching who might not be as in tune with what I am saying, or might think it’s a bit too raw for the audience I might eventually be writing for.

I wrote about exes and men not behaving well and just let the raw side of me come out. This edginess is not really necessary for writing about my visit to the local bakery, but it can be when you want to lay down the law for a man who is pursuing you a bit too aggressively, and disrespectfully.

In a way I honour that bit of edginess because really it is the language of survival. Without it I’d be in a world of hurt.

I had approached the local area BIA and offered to write about, or advertise my experiences with the local restaurants; however COVID is on the rise again.

Some people think it’s a minor illness; other’s like myself know the risk of becoming extremely ill, and dying. It’s no joke to me. So I respect the rules and just try to be aware of my surroundings.

Moving away from Toronto during a pandemic has been a sort of surreal trip. Things are not quite open, and some coffee shops and restaurants will not let you go inside. The occasional trip to a patio is as far as I will go.

I like to visit these places but they may batten the hatches yet again. In the meantime, writing is sort of helping me make sense of things. It is kind of like navigating an alien landscape because in the past I would just go somewhere, and meet people but my choices are limited and sometimes- especially with someone who is behaving disrespectfully- my patience gets worn thin.

I move to a knew place and I no longer learn about the place through seeing the faces of people, and the workers in the shops. Recognizing them is hard when you’re usually wearing a mask.

Staying in touch with family, even the odd meetup where I can socially distance on a walk is good.

So writing is helpful when times are uncertain.

The Fallacy Of Easy Conclusion

Human nature is dismissive. Everyone thinks they have the next person figured out. Nothing is ever as it seems. Sometimes it leads to a better outcome than you could have dreamed. What looks bad today, will definitely get worse tomorrow. Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. This […]

The Fallacy Of Easy Conclusion

What is my new start beginning to look like…

I am starting a new job on Monday. It will not be easy. I expect nothing to be easy. The job is work from home.

On the side, I am beginning to explore copywriting. How this new beginning in copywriting will look like I am not sure of yet.

I may follow some recommendations by Tina Lorenz. I have also been watching videos by Alex Cattoni as well to build upon what selling myself might look like. I am hoping that my start will bring me the challenge I am needing.

Since this is going to involve a lot of writing please feel free to criticize and comment.

My old boss mentioned that I must be experiencing stress from moving and leaving for a new job. Yes, I unnecessarily stressed myself when I moved, but I was also stressed by the sameness of my old job. From outside appearances it seemed low stress but there were many hidden stressors because I felt uncreative, and ineffectual. I am and still am underpaid. My pay did not reflect that I was a senior staff. It did not reflect my productivity. I felt treated indifferently and sometimes very disrespectfully for questioning a practice, or for calling out something, even when logic would call on the average person to mention something. Despite being a good worker I wasn’t treated like one in so many ways. I felt like a robot with a lot of skill and creativity that just fell on the wayside, that my employer didn’t have the need for.

Where I lived was so unaffordable that my pay kept me living on the brink of homelessness. I was exhausted, and unsure of what next steps to take because even a significant pay raise wouldn’t necessarily ensure better living conditions.

In the end everything I did was to keep me somewhat housed, and disengaged from myself, to avoid big bad scary emotions such as fear. I was lost on how to engage in a way at work that actually brought about happiness. I so desperately needed this to change.

In 2018 I had an emotional shake-up. Something from my past came up and it sent me on a vision quest. I had a strange dream about someone from my past. It was as if the dream was asking me to wake up and become aware of my relationship, and work-life balance. I was living in an anesthetized trap of an unloving and controlling relationship and a fearful mindset. I was afraid of myself, going mad, and losing everything.

I have started challenging myself. Ending certain relationships by asking myself what am I really gaining from this? What am I really gaining from employment that doesn’t make me feel I can even have my basic needs met?

It’s funny that during a Pandemic where fears are running wild, that I am sort of getting it that things are not so scary, and that now is the best time to make much needed change. In the end, a house is just a possession, and these things we own kind of mean nothing. So I am wiping the slate clean and am deciding on happiness, even if it looks like a chaotic mess to someone else.

Life shift

My life is heading in a new direction and I am excited for that.

Like a lot of people I am working from home to be safe during the pandemic. It’s not ideal work but it will do for now.

I have been looking at other alternatives to working from home. One thing I have been looking into is copywriting. I took a specific advertising design course and did well with the copywriting, but once I began applying myself I felt a bit lost and unrefined in my skill.

I went back to working in a recreation centre after that because I simply thought it would make me happy. I was wrong.

I started reinvestigating the copywriting idea again but I am not looking at it as a get rich quick scheme but one where I get to establish myself as a capable and secure person. I began watching Tina Lorenz videos and am letting them sink in a bit. How I decide to apply myself may not look a lot like how Tina does it but it will be under my own guides and principles.

I used to think being a workaholic would get me ahead but what it left me with was feeling unsure, and really unskilled at communicating in the business world. I noticed I am introverted and not a sales person but a diligent worker who tries.

I get anxious easily so I find that holds me back, and I am trying to find the trick of undoing that anxiety, and allowing myself to experience the world as a fallible person and being ok with that.

World Suicide Prevention Day — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog

Suicide prevention is an essential topic for me because I am a survivor of suicide. My last attempt in 2010 changed my life, and it almost ended. I count myself lucky, and I mourn those that have not been so lucky. I want to share on this day a chapter from my memoir about suicide. […]

World Suicide Prevention Day — The Bipolar Writer Mental Health Blog


Stigma is when someone sees a person or group in a negative way because of a particular characteristic or attribute. Stigma leads to discrimination. When someone treats you in a negative way because of your mental illness, this is discrimination. Approximately 75% of people with a mental illness report that they have experienced stigma. TYPES […]